An old friend, newly pregnant, recently posed the following on her Facebook page and asked mothers she knew to respond. I read it eagerly and gratefully. So glad that someone was giving voice to something I keep trying to talk to people about without much success. I am including the link as well as my response to my friend to lend my own voice to a topic that is monumental, but seems to get a little lost.
First of all, congratulations! Its going to be wonderful. Second, thank you for the article. It is nice to have someone actually give a little attention to this, without quickly saying ‘but atleast you have your precious baby,’ as if it is not said, you somehow don’t love your child.
My babe is a little over 5 months, and I decided not to go back to work at 3 months as originally planned. Perhaps these feelings wouldn’t have been so strong if I had, perhaps not. I was just beginning my legal career when I got pregnant, something I had been working towards for years. I was in court, in suits, thinking a lot, thinking fast, constantly moving. Now I am at home staring at a sleeping child, wearing leggings and thinking about his poop. I love it, more than I ever imagined possible, but I am struggling to find myself in all of this. I and Me are enveloped in him and love for him. My body as well as soul belong to this little creature. Its a change, the biggest one possible, and it has been very difficult for me. I probably have been going through some PPD, and I also had a lot going on in my life before and after the birth. I think it’s great that you are thinking about this beforehand. It took me by surprise, I think I was too busy to really give it much thought. It is also hard because, the father, the one you are closest to, can’t possibly understand the extent of what you are experiencing.
All that said, it is amazing and I want to do it again as soon as possible if we can figure out how to afford it. Lots of love to you and congratulations.